How To Have The Best Anal of Your Life: 11 Techniques

Anal should not be painful, and if it is painful, chances are you’re doing it wrong. In this article I want to share with you 11 steps so when you have anal, you don’t experience any pain.

1. Be Aroused

Not every day is going to be an anal day, and not every moment is going to be an anal moment. For you to be relaxed, for you to be able to receive, you’re going to want to be highly aroused.

This is going to bring blood flow into the area, which is going to make everything feel better, but also if you’re more aroused, you’re going to be less stuck in your head and you’re going to be less likely to tighten up, which is what can lead to pain and potentially tearing.

2. Over-Communicate With Your Partner

When having anal, especially if it’s not something that you regularly do (in fact, even if it is), trust is really important. You need to feel that, as the person receiving, you are in control, so if it’s not feeling ready or if it’s starting to hurt, then you can make it stop and you can make your partner go slower.

As the giver, if you’re giving anal to someone else, I find it really helpful to go in with the attitude of: this isn’t for me.

Even though I love anal, it’s really sexy, it feels really good, the attitude that I go in with is: this isn’t for my pleasure, this is for my partner’s pleasure, and I find that with that attitude it’s a lot easier to go slower, it’s a lot easier to be in tune with them and to make sure that everything is feeling good with them, and then when you’re doing the anal, make sure that you’re communicating with each other how things are feeling.

I always check in with my partners and say, “How’s that feeling? Are you feeling okay? Is that too much? Let me know if it’s too much.” And you can also communicate back if you’re receiving to say, “Yep, that’s good,” or “Go slower,” or “Just stop, stay there, don’t move,” or “Come out.”

Communication is key here, so before, make sure you talk about this and how you want to go slow, and during, make sure you’re communicating with each other so it’s always feeling good. If it’s hurting, then you’re not doing it right.

3. Start With A Tongue And Fingers

This is going to help you relax and get used to the feeling of something in and around your bum, because often the first time you get touched on your anus, you just naturally have this reaction to clench up and to close the sphincter, but in order to have pleasurable anal sex, you need to really relax that sphincter.

I find the tongue is probably the easiest and the most relaxing way to start, and it also has the added benefit of you adding saliva to the area, which kind of acts as lube, but after the tongue or instead of the tongue, you can also do a finger.

It’s a good idea to learn how to take at least one finger inside you before you go ahead with anal. This is a good practice run. For most people, the finger is going to be a lot thinner than a penis is going to be, and so you can start to get used to the feeling of something going inside you without it being so big that it’s likely to tear you.

For many people, the first time they receive a finger up the bum, it is a little bit uncomfortable and it doesn’t feel the greatest. However, over time, as you learn to relax, it gets a lot easier to take that finger and it starts to feel a lot better as well.

Remember, you can work your way up over multiple sessions. You don’t need to jump from doing nothing at all straight into anal. Instead, you can start with simply touching the outside of your anus, then you might want just a little bit of the finger in, then maybe the tongue, then maybe one finger, and eventually you’ll probably work up to two fingers.

When you’re using two fingers, you want to make sure you’re doing it properly so you don’t tear them. I do have a full article on exactly how to finger the bum, but if you can comfortably receive two fingers inside your anus, chances are you’re going to be ready for anal sex.

You can also start with butt plugs as well, and you can get kits that start with really small butt plugs and work their way out to larger ones to help you get used to the feeling.

4. Use Lots Of Lube

Use more lube than you think you need, definitely more lube than you use when you’re having vaginal intercourse. A good rule of thumb is: however much lube you think you need, double it.

It’s not bad to have too much lube, because the anus doesn’t really create its own lubricant, and if things get too dry, that’s when tearing can be more likely to happen.

If you don’t have any lubricant at all, you can use spit, but again, you’re going to need a lot of spit in order for this to work.

5. Push Out

When it comes time for you to actually receive anal, you really want your sphincter to be relaxed, and the best way to make it relaxed is to push it out, almost like you’re about to do a fart, and this is going to relax the sphincter and make it easier to receive.

If you notice that all of a sudden your sphincter contracts uncontrollably, let your partner know, just wait a second and try to again push that sphincter out and relax.

6. Pick The Right Position For Anal Sex

You want to find a position where you can both really take your time, where you feel really comfortable and you have the right level of control. I find there’s four main positions for starting with anal.

Lying Down On Her Belly

Honestly, this doesn’t sound like a great position, and I don’t know why this position works for women, but for many women that I’ve been with, this has been the easiest way for them to receive me in the beginning, and once they’ve got me inside them, then we can shift to different positions.

This position is difficult as the man or the person with the penis, because you almost have to get above your partner and above their bum, and because when you get an erection usually it’s pointing up, you then have to use your hand to kind of point your penis down to aim directly for the hole, and honestly, you end up on one arm with the other arm grabbing and directing your penis.

It’s a little bit awkward, but what this allows the woman to do is it gives her both of her hands, which she can use to spread her cheeks apart in order to again relax the sphincter, and it also gives her a little bit of movement as well so she can control it.

The person with the penis is mostly in control, but she can arch her back and tilt her bum to go up or to pull away from you, and just this level of control in this position seems to work really well for some reason.

Doggy Style

Now, in this position you’ll notice that the anus is slightly higher than the vagina, so in order for the penis to actually line up, the guy is going to have to go ahead and go from his knees and likely get up on one leg and get a bit higher, sometimes even higher than that.

The alternative thing is to get the woman to actually spread her legs further apart or to sit back towards her feet a little bit more, so her bum drops down, making it easier for you to enter.

Woman On Top

This can be a good position because she has complete control. As the guy or the penis owner, you’re going to be lying down and not doing a lot. Yes, you can raise your hips and push in a little bit, but most of it is going to be controlled by her.

If you’re really nervous to receive anal and you’re not sure if you completely trust your partner to be knowledgeable enough as to what you’re feeling, this can be a great position because it does give you that full control.

However, I’ve personally found that many women don’t like to start in this position and they like me to have that control.

Missionary

If you’re going to do anal in this position, you’re going to want to go ahead and grab a pillow and put it under her bum, or even fold the pillow in half to really raise her pelvis up. Otherwise, I find it can just be difficult to get the right angle to get in there.

7. Go Super Slow

Go way slower than you think you need to go. Once the penis is fully inside, you’re fully relaxed and things are doing good, then you can amp up the speed if you want.

But the first penetration and getting the penis inside needs to be done really slowly, and again, communication is key here. As the giver, you want to feel for how tight they are and you want to feel them relax so that you can slowly go inside them.

If it’s feeling too tight to push against, that’s your cue to stop. Stay where you are, get your partner to relax before you go ahead and slide in.

And if you’re the one receiving, what you can do is you can control your partner with your hand, so you can put your hand on them to push them away or to slowly guide them in, and if they start going too fast, you push back on them or you can tell them to stop, and you can arch your back or move into them in order to control it yourself.

8. Re-Lubricate Regularly

Often you’re going to need to lubricate more than once when you’re doing anal and when you’re first penetrating.

You’ll put lube on and you’ll put a lot of lube both on the penis and on the anus, and then you’ll start to slide in and you might get maybe the head of the penis in, and then you’ll actually want to come out slowly and re-lubricate the head of the penis again.

Because what can happen is, I don’t know, as you push in, it’s almost like some of the lubricant gets sucked up and gets lost, and it gets tight, and you don’t want it to be tight.

So if you start feeling like it’s too tight and you don’t have enough lubricant, come out, re-lubricate both the penis as well as the anus, and then go again. Don’t be afraid to re-lubricate once, twice, three times, as many times as you need.

And a bonus tip, if you want to try it, is you can actually get a syringe (not one with a needle, obviously, but just a syringe). You can put some lubricant in that and then you can actually squeeze it into your partner’s anus.

What this means is that once you go inside, there’s going to be lubricant in there that’s going to make everything wet, and then going in and out can feel so much better.

9. Go In, Stop And Wait

When you first get all the way inside, stop, and then whoever is receiving, just relax and just stay in this position until your sphincter is able to actually completely relax.

This is very different to vaginal penetration, because usually with vaginal penetration you’ll go in and then you’ll start doing in and out thrusts. With anal sex, it’s a really great idea to go in, to stop and to wait before you do any thrusts.

10. Don’t Thrust Too Much

Rather than doing these big in-out thrusts like you might when you’re doing vaginal penetration, you want to focus, especially in the beginning, on what I call micro thrusting.

So when you’re inside your partner, you just kind of go forwards and backwards a little bit. What happens here is that the penis skin will kind of get caught on the anus, and you’re going back and forth, but there’s no actual skin rubbing back and forth on the anus.

The skin’s kind of caught, and these micro thrusts can feel really, really good.

Once your partner is comfortable, then you can work your way up to bigger thrusts, and again, you might need to re-lubricate, but always be checking in with your partner.

Start with these small thrusts, and only when they’re ready for it, try bigger ones and see how they feel, and if everything’s feeling good, only then go harder.

11. Use A Toy Or Stimulate The Receiver’s Genitals

This not only feels incredible for the person receiving to have both anal sex and be pleasuring their genitals at the same time, but it also helps to relax them so things feel better.

So for guys, they could be masturbating or using something like a Fleshlight, and then for women, they could be touching their clitoris, they could even be fingering themselves, or they could be using a toy on themselves.

Come Out Slowly

And then when all is said and done and the anal’s finished, you want to make sure that you come out slowly.

After the anal’s done, especially if the receiver has orgasmed, you’ll notice that the sphincter is going to get tight again, so what you want to do is come out slowly, not so slowly that they continually tense up, but not so quick that it’s going to hurt.

So you want to come out slowly and smoothly, and chances are the receiver is going to be a bit sensitive, but if you do it right, it shouldn’t hurt.

For more tips on butt stuff and anal play, go ahead and check out this video that I’ve done on my ultimate guide to butt stuff, and if you want to learn how to give more pleasure to your partner, then head over to my website at passionately.com. I’ve got a bunch of free resources over there to help you as well as paid courses to teach you how to be the best lover you can be.