9 Dumb Things Guys Do When Going Down That Women Hate

There are nine dumb mistakes that most guys make when going down on a woman that don’t just stop her from coming, but can actually cause her pain and discomfort.

So if you want to be great at going down, then mistake number one and two are the most common mistakes you want to avoid. And the last mistake is what makes the difference between being good and being the best she’s ever had.

Hey, I’m Phoenix Blake, sex coach and educator, and I went from having no idea how to go down on a woman and making all the mistakes on this list.

And then through thousands of hours of practice, intense study into female pleasure anatomy, and lots of communication and feedback with female partners, I now regularly get told that I’m great at giving head and sometimes get told that I’m the best they’ve ever had.

1. Going Too Hard, Too Fast

Hands down, the number one biggest mistake that most women tell me that guys are making when they’re going down is guys go too hard, too fast.

Unless you’ve had this really big build-up and she is just craving you and already extremely turned on, going too hard, too fast can actually hurt her.

And just like it can take us time for our penis to fill up with blood and become erect, it takes them time as well for that area to fill up with blood and to start feeling really good.

So hard and fast can be good towards the end when they’re close to orgasm. It’s not the best way to start, and you should always start slowly, paying attention to the entirety of her vulva, and we can build up to harder and faster later.

2. Not Knowing Where The Clit Is

The second biggest mistake, and one that kind of shocks me how common it is, is guys don’t know where the clit is and they don’t know what feels good.

If you’re down there and you’re just licking randomly all over the place, she’s not going to be having a great time and you’re not going to be able to build up that pleasure to bring her to orgasm.

So learn where the clit is, do a Google search if you need to, or I do have a free video where I show you some of the best oral techniques and exactly how to find the clit as well.

Head over to passionately.com/oral and you can get access to that free instructional video over there.

3. Just Flicking The Clit With The Tongue

Often you see this in porn, and while it can have its uses towards the end of an oral session when she’s close to orgasm, if you go for it straight away and if you’re just doing this, you can actually overstimulate the clitoris and you can actually cause her discomfort, pain and overwhelm.

4. Not Asking For Feedback, Or Asking The Wrong Way

Every woman is different, and I mean every woman, and you need to communicate with them to find out what they like.

I had one partner where she communicated to me that I wasn’t able to touch her clit directly because it was just so intense for her that it hurt, so I could only touch around the clit or over the hood, and then I had another partner who liked their clit touched quite aggressively. They even liked me using my teeth or the roughness of my stubble directly on their clit.

Getting feedback is extremely important, but it’s also important that you ask in the right way.

Porn star and sex educator Sterling Cooper gave this great advice: rather than asking her, “Hey, what do you like?” which puts her in her head and stops her from feeling things and enjoying things, give her four words that she’s allowed to say: harder, softer, faster, slower.

But you also want to come to the table with a variety of different oral techniques that you can try so you can see what feels best for her.

And no, writing the alphabet on her clit does not work. I don’t know who came up with this advice, but it’s terrible. Don’t use it.

Instead, I’ve created a free introductory video with some of the best oral techniques that can help her get off, and you can get access to that by going to passionately.com/oral and signing up for my newsletter over there.

5. Being Too Focused On The Orgasm

For most women, when a guy is going down on them, they already feel a lot of pressure and tend to get in their heads, and this stops the orgasm from happening.

And if you’ve said things to her like, “I’m going to make you come,” or if it’s just clear in the rhythm that you’re trying to ramp it up and your goal is an orgasm, then she’s going to feel this overwhelming pressure that she needs to orgasm to please you.

This is going to put her in her head. She’s not going to enjoy the experience and she’s less likely to orgasm anyway.

So just go down there to give her pleasure. Start slow. Let her relax into it, and rather than constantly ramping up with the goal of an orgasm, go through waves of pleasure.

6. Sticking To A Consistent Rhythm

Now if you were to rub your arm in the same spot over and over for an extended period of time, one of two things is going to happen.

Either that area is going to become numb and you’re just going to block it out, or it’s going to start to become painful. And the same thing can happen when you’re going down on her.

In the beginning, and if you’re spending a fair amount of time down there, which you should, you need to vary things up and give her a variety of experiences and address and take care of her entire vulva.

Once you begin to build things up and you’re getting closer and closer to that climax, then you can establish a consistent rhythm with something that she really likes to bring her to orgasm, and when you’re in that state, you don’t want to deviate from that rhythm.

If she’s really close, keep it going. If your tongue hurts or your mouth hurts, suck it up, bitch, keep going, because if you change things up right when she’s close to orgasm, she’s going to go from a nine all the way back down to a two, and then you’re going to have to build things all the way up again.

7. Doing The Same Thing Over And Over

Mistake number seven, and something that I definitely did in my early days, was doing the same thing over and over.

So by this I mean you find something that works one time and then you go back and you’re constantly doing the same thing over and over and over again in each new session, thinking that you’re going to get the same outcome.

She’s not going to like the same technique every time, and even if it still feels good, it’s going to be predictable and boring. So you need to have a variety of techniques that she likes. You need to mix things up so she doesn’t know exactly what’s going to happen or what you’re going to do, and every time you go down there is a pleasurable adventure.

8. Not Spending Enough Time Down There

A lot of guys will go down for a token amount of time just because they think it’s something that they need to do, or they do it in order to receive a blowjob back, and she can feel that.

And understand that most women, when the guy goes down, they’re already feeling pressure that they’re on a time limit. So what you want to do is completely remove that time pressure for her.

Let her know, “We’re going to take our time here. There’s no rush. Just enjoy it, and I’m going to enjoy myself as well.”

And when she’s done, she’ll let you know by either telling you to stop, or she’ll pull you up saying, “Oh my gosh, I want you in me now.”

9. Not Focusing On Her Mind

Mistake number nine is something that you want to avoid if you want to give her those mind-blowing experiences and you want her to feel like you’re one of the best she’s ever had, and that mistake is not focusing on her mind.

A woman’s mind is her own biggest obstacle when you’re going down on her, and if you’re just focusing on techniques and not on her mind, then you’re missing a major part of the experience.

You actually need to do everything within your power to calm and relax her so she can get out of her mind and just be present and enjoy the experience.

In fact, this topic is so important that I’ve created an entire video on it, so go ahead and check that out now and go from being good at oral sex to being the best she’s ever had.