3 Steps To Give Her a Clitoral Orgasm

Most women will orgasm from clitoral stimulation more than from internal stimulation. So learning how to stimulate the clit and how to give her clitoral orgasms can really help her to come when she’s with you and not stimulating the clit is a major reason that many women don’t come when they’re with men.

In this article, I’m going to show you the three-step process that I use to give women some amazing clitoral orgasms.

Hey, I’m Phoenix Blake, sex coach and educator and I’m dedicated to helping you be the best lover you can be to give your partner some of the most amazing pleasure possible.

Now, before we jump into these three steps, it’s important for you to understand what not to do. The biggest mistake that I see guys making is they go too hard, too fast.

You don’t want to go in and go super hard, super fast straight away on the clit. It takes time for blood to enter the area and for the clit to begin to feel really good and be able to handle that intense stimulation.

Something else that I believe is important in this process for me is for her not to realize that I’m trying to bring her to orgasm.

If I’m going down there and it’s clear to her my goal is to get her to come, what that does is it puts psychological pressure on her that she feels like she needs to orgasm in order to please me.

So a big part of this process is just enjoying pleasuring her myself. I’m going to take her through waves of pleasure and it’s not going to be obvious to her that I’m going to bring her to orgasm.

In fact, sometimes even though I could bring her to orgasm, I won’t because that’ll keep her revved up for intercourse.

Another mistake that a lot of guys make is they just use one technique and one rhythm the entire time, which can get incredibly boring.

So what I like to do is really mix things up, give her a variety of different feelings and pleasure. And then when she’s close to orgasm, yes, we can stick to a consistent technique and rhythm.

1. Warm Her Up

And the goal here is to get her more and more aroused and turned on and to bring blood flow into the area.

Now in the vulva, women actually have just as much erectile tissue as men do in their penis, but it’s just spread throughout the vulva. And the mistake that a lot of guys make is they just hone in on the clitoris in the beginning and they don’t go anywhere else.

So in step number one, I’ll start by warming her up and creating anticipation.

What I’ll do is start with a variety of different techniques to build that anticipation.

So I can start by lightly touching the outer lips of her vulva. I could run my finger through the middle and maybe lightly brush the clitoris or I can even be touching her legs, come into her vulva, maybe brush the outer lip a little bit, but then move over to her other leg, teasing her, getting her to want me to touch her.

During this time, I’m also connecting with her. So I might be touching her body as well, making eye contact with her, kissing her while my hands are down there, holding her back, doing what I can to create an immersive experience where we’re fully connected in this.

She can just relax into it and trust me, she can let go and have a good time. I’m really not going to be rushed here.

And if I start to use my mouth, then what I’ll use is generally a flat tongue from the bottom of her vagina, going up over the clitoris, and then I’ll move away and do another flat tongue again, starting slowly.

I may even use my finger or use my tongue to pleasure her clitoris, either over the shaft and the hood of the clitoris, or maybe I’ll hook my finger and touch her clitoris gently, but here I’m not trying to vigorously stimulate her and bring her up to orgasm.

I’m just giving her good feelings. I’m just helping her to relax and enjoy it.

As men, in order for us to get an erection, we need to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which is our rest and digest nervous system.

We often think of getting an erection as being excited, but really a better word is relaxed arousal. When you’re able to relax, that’s when the blood is able to flow and you’re able to get an erection and the same is going to be true for her.

So in step number one, I’m warming her up, but I’m also trying to relax her body and relax her mind so she can just enjoy this experience and to make sure she doesn’t feel rushed.

2. Give Her Waves Of Pleasure

Now, in this stage, we are building her up in intensity, but we’re not building her up on a one-way street to orgasm.

Here, I’m trying to give her a lot of different pleasurable feelings and I will alter the intensity throughout it. So we might build up the intensity and then I’ll drop it back down and have a break and then build it up again and drop it back down.

Here, I’m taking her on a journey without a clear destination in mind. I’m touching her or licking her because I enjoy it and I want to give her good feelings.

I’m not down there with a sole focus of giving her an orgasm because remember that’s going to put pressure in her mind and if she’s got pressure, then she’s not going to be able to orgasm.

Here, I’ll use a variety of techniques and depending on the woman, the techniques that she’s going to like are going to be different. So knowing lots of different techniques can help you.

I’ll talk through some techniques now, but I’ve also got a more advanced tutorial where I share with you some of the best techniques to give her incredible pleasure and amazing orgasms.

Go to passionately.com/oral to get access to that free tutorial and to sign up for my newsletter. In that newsletter, I send you regular tips on how to be the best lover you can be and I share things that I don’t share on YouTube.

When I’m down there and I’m building up waves of pleasure, usually I’m mostly using my mouth and my tongue and there’s a variety of different techniques that you can do.

To start with, the flat tongue that we talked about from the bottom: you go flat tongue up and over the clit and then you repeat.

You can also tickle the clitoris lightly with your tongue or what you can do is apply some pressure with your tongue and then release that pressure. You can also apply pressure from the top with your tongue or with your lips in order to pleasure the clit.

I might try doing circles on the clit with my tongue or I might get my tongue and brush side to side on her clitoris or I might flick the clitoris as well with my tongue. I may also lightly suck and kiss her clitoris as well and throughout all this, I’m not just focusing on the clitoris solely.

Yes, a lot of my attention is going to be there because that’s the most sensitive spot, but every now and then I will move away and I’ll pleasure the rest of her vulva to give it a bit of a break and then I can come back to it.

What I don’t want to be doing here is just doing the same technique over and over on her clitoris without changing it because if I do that, she’s going to start to get bored and it can either become desensitized to the feeling or it can become oversensitized.

In all of this as well, I’m trying to match her energy. So if she feels like she’s ramping up really hard and she’s really turned on, it’s feeling really good, then I can ramp up and do more intense stimulation.

But if I’m ramping up and her energy isn’t matching that, then I’ll come back down and I’ll slow down again, taking her through those waves of pleasure while trying to match her energy at the same time.

Because what you don’t want to do is for your energy to go up and up and up and you’re getting more and more intense, but she gets up halfway and then kind of plateaus or goes down. And so you’re up there trying to hit her clitoris really hard and she’s just not in the mood for that at all.

Really try to connect with your partner, really try to feel what they’re feeling.

I’ll often use the phrase as well, “Tell me if this is too much,” because that way, if my energy gets higher than hers and my speed and intensity is too high, she can say “too much” and I can be like, “Okay, slowing down,” because sometimes we just get too excited and get ahead of ourselves.

All of these techniques that I mentioned as well, like flicking the clit or side to side or circles can also be done while sucking on the clitoris as well. So you can suck on the clitoris and then while you’re sucking with your mouth, you can then do those techniques.

Throughout all this, I might be ramping her up and bringing her towards orgasm, but ideally she’s not going to be aware that my sole focus is for her to orgasm. She’s just going on this journey. She’s enjoying the pleasure that we’re giving her.

And then eventually she’s going to be close to orgasm. And that’s when we step into stage three.

3. A Sprint, Not A Marathon

So stage three is when you’ve taken her through waves of pleasure and you can tell that she’s building and building and building and that she’s getting close to orgasm.

I like to see stage three as a sprint, not a marathon. So stage two is our marathon where we’re taking our time and then stage three, we’re very close to the finish line. And so now we’re ready to sprint.

But if you start stage three too early, if you try to sprint a marathon, what’s going to happen is you’ll try really hard and then she’ll run out of energy or she’ll get overstimulated and you won’t be able to bring her to orgasm. So save stage three for the end.

And generally what’s going to happen to enter stage three is that you’re taking her through these waves of pleasure. And then you find something that she seems to really like, maybe her breathing gets heavier or her body reacts or she starts making noises.

When you find this thing she really likes and you can feel she’s close to orgasm, this is where you keep the consistent rhythm and consistent pressure.

And you may ramp up that speed and that pressure slowly, but you’re not going from being very slow to just all of a sudden going super fast. You’re ramping up getting faster and faster as she gets closer to orgasm.

And if you want one of the best techniques that seems to consistently bring many women to orgasm, then get access to my free tutorial.

While different women like different techniques, this one technique seems to work for a lot of women. So it’s a great one to know about and to be able to do.

So at this point we’ve found something she really likes where we’ve got that consistent rhythm and we’re slowly ramping it up.

Remember, you can’t force an orgasm to happen. You can help to take her there, but you can’t make it happen. So sometimes she’s going to reach orgasm. Sometimes she isn’t and that’s completely okay.

Ideally we’re in this sprint. We get closer and closer to orgasm. And then yes, she does have an amazing orgasm and you can sense it. She starts pulsating on you.

And then depending on what she likes, she may want you to keep going so she can have multiple orgasms or she may get oversensitized and need you to stop.

However, the longer the sprint goes on and you can feel that she’s not going to orgasm, the higher the chances are that it’s going to start to become uncomfortable and painful for her.

So if you feel like she’s not going to orgasm, then you may want to slow down and then start to do something different. Again, just think of it like stage two, taking her through those waves of pleasure.

So maybe we’ve brought her up to this high point. It’s not quite to orgasm, but it’s pretty high. That’s okay.

We can bring her back down and then we can try and slow things down, take her through those waves of pleasure again, and eventually work her back up. And then we can try for an orgasm again.

Or if you feel like the orgasm isn’t going to happen, rather than working her up, trying to orgasm again, bring her back down and then you can shift to something else or you can start intercourse.

Throughout all of these stages, don’t make it the same every single time that you’re with your partner, because even if she likes certain things, if you’ve got the same stage one, the same techniques in stage two and stage three, it’s going to be extremely predictable for her.

So try to mix it up, try to learn different things to give her a variety of feelings of pleasure. And for different techniques on exactly how to do that, go ahead and check out this video on the techniques that you can use to give her clitoral orgasms.