Can’t Get Hard With a Partner? Try This

Have you ever been getting hot and heavy with your partner but when the time comes for sex you just can’t get it up no matter what you do? Well, in this article I’m going to show you exactly how to overcome this and how to get hard fast when you’re with a partner so you don’t end up with erectile dysfunction.

Hey, I’m Phoenix Blake, sex coach and educator, and I personally suffered with erectile dysfunction so I know how difficult it can be.

Recently I had an experience with a girl where things were getting hot and heavy and I was really hard in my pants just as we were making out, and then I proceeded to go down on her and I was really enjoying that, but I noticed that I lost my erection and even if I was touching myself I was struggling to get it up.

I knew this was going to make sex hard, and in the past this has ruined many of my sexual experiences where I was actually unable to get it up and we couldn’t proceed to intercourse, but I’m happy to say that this time I used the techniques that I’m about to share with you. I was able to get it up and we were able to have some great sex that pleased both of us.

So what exactly can you do to get it hard fast when you’re with a partner and avoid this erectile dysfunction?

1. Prepare Your Body For Hard Erections

Some of the biggest things that you can do are to have a healthy diet and to exercise regularly, because cardiovascular health plays a major role in your body’s ability to get erections.

You can take supplements for hard erections, you can do exercises like pelvic floor exercises to improve your chance of getting erections, and sleeping well is actually really important for your testosterone and your boners.

There’s lots of different things that you can do to prepare your body for hard erections, and I’ve created a free ED toolkit where I walk through the best and most effective things that are going to make you hard in the bedroom. Download that free ED toolkit and get prepared for your next experience so that your body can get those erections that you desire.

But let’s say you’ve done those things, or maybe you haven’t, and you’re still in the moment and you want to get that erection, what can you do?

2. Don’t Will Your Boner To Come On

I know the experience all too well. You’re struggling to get it up and all of a sudden your focus shifts from the partner that you’re with down to your penis and you’re thinking, “Oh my god, dude, just get it up. Come on, buddy. What are you doing? We’re here to have sex with this beautiful person and you’re just not coming to the party. Come on, get hard, get hard.”

But unfortunately, the more you will the boner to come on, the less likely it is to actually happen.

This is because when we get stressed and when we get anxious and when we’re trying to make it happen, it activates our sympathetic nervous system and our body releases adrenaline, which causes the blood vessels in our penis to actually contract, making it harder for us to get an erection.

And so it’s really important for us to try to avoid this stress and to just relax and let the boner come on naturally.

3. Don’t Rush

If your boner is not coming on straight away, that’s okay. Don’t get stressed out about it and try to get a boner in the next 30 seconds to a minute, but rather give yourself time for it to come on naturally.

That means moving the sexual interaction into something that doesn’t require you to be hard straight away. Going down on your partner, fingering your partner is a great way to do this. You can also make out with your partner or even shift into a massage or something sensual with your partner.

Basically anything that doesn’t require you to get hard in the next couple of minutes, this is going to buy you some time so you can do the other things that are going to help you get hard.

4. Slow Your Breathing

Now, I know a lot of people talk about breathing as a way to bring on an erection, and if you do slow deep breaths, then it’s going to magically calm you and give you an erection. Personally, I found this to be absolutely bullshit, because when I’m stressed in the moment and I want to get it up, I can’t just breathe my way to an erection.

However, breathing does help to calm us slightly to then be able to do other things that are going to help us get an erection. So it’s not a silver bullet to get an erection, but it does help.

If we’re having really shallow breaths in our chest, that’s going to keep our sympathetic nervous system activated, or our fight or flight nervous system. We want to take calming deep breaths from our diaphragm or our stomach area, which is going to help relax us, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which allows the blood vessels in our penis to dilate so we can get an erection.

So rather than doing that shallow breathing, just slow your breathing down. I like to do box breathing, which is counts of four. So you breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four, and repeat.

However, I’m not just focusing on my breathing, because I found if I’m just focusing on my breathing, I’m not present with my partner and I’m not doing anything that’s going to get me aroused.

So while I’m doing this breathing, I also want to relax my mind and get away from thinking about trying to get an erection. And there’s two great ways that I found to do this.

The first way is to actually focus in on my own pleasure. This means focusing on how my body feels and how touch feels within my body.

So that could be me touching myself while I’m going down on my partner, or it could be my partner touching me, or maybe you were making out and I’m focusing on the feeling of our lips and our tongues together. And I’m allowing those sensations to really arouse me and turn me on.

The other thing that you can do is to focus on your partner and things about your partner that really arouse you. So in this situation where I was with this partner, I really focused on their vulva and on their body and honestly on the position that they were in with their legs spread that I found extremely arousing.

So rather than thinking about my penis and trying to get an erection, I was feeling into my own pleasure. But at the same time, I was focusing on my partner and looking in detail on the parts of their body that I really appreciate and I really found arousing.

I personally find this combination of focusing on your own pleasure and focusing on things about your partner that really arouse you allows you to activate both parts of your arousal system. There’s the physical aspect of arousal and the mental aspect of arousal. And to get hard fast, ideally you want to activate both.

5. Do Things That Turn You On

So those favorite things that you like to do to your partner, go ahead and do them. Maybe you’re an arse man and you absolutely love getting down there and licking arse and that makes you really horny and turned on. Then go ahead and do that and allow yourself to get turned on.

Or maybe you really like playing with your partner’s breasts and licking their breasts and touching their breasts makes you so aroused. Well, go ahead and do that. Or maybe for you it’s making out. Whatever it is is fine.

But find the things that really mentally arouse you, because this is going to help you get so much harder, so much faster.

6. Control The Flow Of The Sexual Interaction

I’ve had many sexual situations where she was like, “Get in me now,” and I wasn’t nearly ready. And so what I would do is I would rush and I would try and get an erection really quickly, try and get a condom on, but then I’d find I would lose my erection in the process and we couldn’t have sex.

So if you’re struggling to get it up, control the flow of the interaction so that you can be giving her pleasure and there’s no rush for you to get an erection. However, if and when your erection does come, you’ve got time to then put the condom on if you’re going to wear protection.

And then when you’re feeling really hard, you’re already in a position where you can easily enter into your partner. You’re trying to avoid sex needing to happen before you’re ready.

7. Communicate With Your Partner

The worst thing that you can do in these situations is to say absolutely nothing at all. If you do that, she’s going to assume that you’re not attracted to her, which in most cases is so far from the truth. You’re so attracted and so keen, but you’re just very nervous.

So rather than saying nothing or rather than making a poor excuse like “I’m tired”, just acknowledge the situation and say, “Hey, it’s just taking me a little bit of time because I’m nervous and I really want to please you.”

And most women are going to be absolutely fine with this and they’re going to want to connect with you sexually, even if you can’t get an erection straight away. By communicating the issue with them, you stop them from thinking bad things, which can ruin the sexual experience for them. And you take the pressure off yourself as well to need to get an erection straight away.

And interestingly, by taking the pressure off you needing to get an erection, that can often relax you enough to be able to get an erection.

And if you want more tips on exactly how to talk to people if and when erectile dysfunction strikes, or how to talk to your partner about your erectile dysfunction, then inside my course, I go into detail about how to communicate with your partner and how to continue to have great sex, even if you sometimes suffer with erectile dysfunction or always suffer with erectile dysfunction.

So go to passionately.com and you can see all of my courses over there. I’ve got that course on erectile dysfunction, which is extremely in-depth, but there’s also courses on how to pleasure your partner without your penis.

We talk about fingering. We talk about squirting. We talk about oral sex. If you want detailed guides on how you can be the best lover possible, then these courses are for you.

And the great thing about this is if you know how to pleasure your partner and how to give your partner orgasms with your fingers and your mouth and with toys, they’re not going to be as fussed about whether you’ve got it up or not. And that’s not going to be the focus of the interaction.

If she’s had three, four, five orgasms, she’s not lying there at the end of the session thinking, “Well, that sucked because his penis didn’t go inside me.” No, she’s probably had the best time of her life. And that’s going to give you another chance to have more sexual experiences together and to get yourself hard next time.

Go ahead and read this article for some of the best oral clit stimulation techniques so that you can give her all of those orgasms. Or go ahead and get access to that free ED toolkit so you can begin to overcome your erectile dysfunction once and for all.