How To Dirty Talk Like a Pro

Do you want to learn to dirty talk like a pro even if you’ve never done dirty talk before? Well, in this article, I’m going to show you exactly how to do that. Starting at the mild and the really easy stuff, working our way up to the more wild and intense dirty talk that is more advanced.

Hey, I’m Phoenix Blake, sex coach and educator, and I’m passionate about helping you be a better lover. And one of the things that can really amplify the experience for your partner is to do dirty talk with them.

It can take so many women completely out of their heads and that mind chatter that’s going on, and can get them fully present in the moment. It can highly arouse them and it can help bring them to orgasm. I’ve had many partners who couldn’t orgasm unless I talked dirty to them.

Dirty talk can also really help your partner to unleash their sexuality. Many people hold their sexuality and their intense desires in because they’re worried about being judged.

But by starting to dirty talk with your partner and allowing the dirty talk to get better and better over time, you’ll notice that their sexuality can really blossom and come out. And when they feel like it’s a safe space, not only are they having more fun and more pleasure, but it can allow you to push boundaries and fulfill fantasies that they never thought that they could fulfill.

Deliver The Dirty Talk With Confidence

When you’re doing dirty talk, it’s really important that you deliver the dirty talk with confidence. And there’s a few different ways that you do this. First is with your vocal tonality.

The way that you say something has as big, if not a bigger, impact on the feeling that your partner receives compared to what you’re actually saying.

Take this for an example. Imagine saying to your partner, in a flat, normal voice, “Do you like how my dick feels inside you?” Versus saying to your partner, slowly, in a deep, intense voice, “Do you like how my dick feels inside you?”

Here we’re saying exactly the same thing, but the way that we say it comes across very differently.

So when giving dirty talk, add some intensity to your voice. Slow down your voice. Maybe even deepen your voice slightly compared to usual.

It can also up the intensity and make it really sexy if you make intense eye contact with your partner when you’re saying these things. So if you’re saying to your partner, “I absolutely love being inside you. You feel so good,” if you’re saying that with eye contact, it can be more intense for them than if you’re saying it without eye contact.

Or alternatively, you can actually whisper in your partner’s ear, “Oh my God, you are so wet and you feel so good. I love being inside you.” That whispering can be really sexy.

And if you mess up and your dirty talk doesn’t really come across very well, because sometimes it sounds good in your head and when you say it out loud, it doesn’t sound as good, just laugh about it. It’s okay to make mistakes and often the best sex is sex where you can laugh about it and you can have fun.

And if you do happen to say something that upsets or triggers your partner, then just apologize for it. Let them know that you didn’t mean to upset them. You might need to take a break from the sex and then obviously avoid using those phrases in future and try to understand why your partner is upset.

Have A Chat With Your Partner

If you’re not sure whether your partner likes dirty talk or not, it can be a good idea to have a chat with your partner about it beforehand, or you can chat to your partner about it when you’re having your post-sex chat.

So after you finished having sex without any dirty talk, then chat about the sex that you had. “I really liked it when you did this. I really liked it when you did that. What did you think about this?” And then you can throw in, “How do you feel about dirty talk?”

Ask them if there’s any dirty talk that they like, or if they’re not sure and they haven’t really done it, offer them some suggestions of the types of dirty talk you can do, and you’re going to learn that in this article.

And it can also be a good idea to ask them what dirty talk they don’t like and if there’s any words or phrases that you shouldn’t use.

Then you can always say to your partner, “I’ll try some dirty talk in the future when we’re having sex and we’ll see how it goes. Maybe it’ll work really well or maybe it won’t, but hey, it’s worth a try.” That way when you do start doing some dirty talk, she’s not going to be really shocked by it.

1. Start With Making Noises

The easiest way to start dirty talking if you’ve never done it before or you’re not in the practice of doing it is to start with making noises with your partner.

So many guys are extremely quiet with their partners when they’re having sex, and for many women this means they don’t know if you’re having a good time, and it can get them up in their head worrying about them not being good enough for you.

So while it’s not technically talking, making noises to let your partner know you’re enjoying things is a really important thing to do. If you’re going down on your partner, you can moan and you can groan, or even when you’re inside your partner having sex, make some noises to let them know that you’re enjoying it.

2. Short Words Or Phrases

Something as simple as “fuck” can turn so many women on, especially if it’s said in a way like you didn’t intend to say it, but things just feel so good that it just came out and you’re like, “Fuck, oh my God, it feels so good.”

Other short phrases like “yes” or “fuck yes” or “yes baby,” or you can use your partner’s name as well. “Yes, Susie,” or “Yes, Jennifer,” or yes, whatever her name is.

Many women are absolutely going to love those short phrases.

3. Complimenting Her

Now I find when I’m doing dirty talk and complimenting my partner, I like to do it in a way where I’m not expecting a response from them.

So generally I’ll be doing something to them or I’ll be doing something with them, we’ll be in the heat of the moment, having sex or doing something passionate, and then I’ll deliver the compliment and I’ll keep on with what I’m doing. So they can just receive the compliment, they don’t need to say anything back, because some women can get awkward about that.

And you can say everything from “You look so fucking sexy” to “You taste so good, I love it” or “You’re turning me on so much,” or you can get really specific with it as well. “Absolutely love you in that position.” “Oh my gosh, your ass looks so good and it’s really making me hard right now.” Or something like, “You have the best breasts. I love touching them so much,” as you’re touching them and having sex with your partner.

Be authentic with your compliments and say things that are true to you, because they’re going to really feel it if you really mean it.

One of my favorite things to do is to compliment my partners’ bodies, and I’ve had many partners say to me, “It feels like every time I get undressed, it’s like you’re seeing me naked for the first time.” And that’s because I genuinely feel very excited about my partner and I give them compliments to let them know that.

If you’re struggling with working out exactly what to say, then I do have a dirty talking cheat sheet. This is a guide that will walk you through exactly how to do dirty talk, and there’s a bunch of phrases in there that you can begin to practice and use with your partner. To download that cheat sheet, simply go to passionately.com/dirtytalk.

4. Describe What You’re Feeling

Just describe what you’re feeling and tell your partner what you’re feeling. This can be general by saying, “That feels so good,” or “You feel so good,” or you can be really specific about it as well. “I love how your pussy feels wrapped around my cock. I love how it feels when I’m really deep inside you. I love how wet you are.”

Or you can also talk about how you’re emotionally feeling as well. You can say, “I’m so turned on by you,” or “I’m feeling so connected with you right now,” or “I’m losing my mind with how much I want you right now.”

But if you’re worried about it, just keep it simple. “Oh my God, your mouth feels so good. Your pussy feels so good. I love your body pressed up against mine.” Just describe what’s happening and how it feels.

5. Describe What You Want To Do

Once you get comfortable with all of this sort of stuff, you can begin to take it further by describing to her what you want to do to her. Rather than just saying what’s happening, tell her what you want to happen.

“I can’t wait to be inside you. I’m so excited to go down on you and to taste your juices.” Or even as you’re having sex, you can let her know, “I’m so excited to come inside you. I can’t wait to completely blow my load in you or on you.”

This will start to get her thinking about these things you’re saying you want to do to her, and it will get her excited about these things happening.

So if you haven’t had sex yet and you’re saying, “I can’t wait to be inside you,” she’s going to be thinking, “Oh, he’s going to be inside me soon, and I’m really excited for that as well.” So then when you finally do go inside her, it’s a more intense feeling than it would have been.

6. Get Her To Beg For You

And then if you’re confident, you can actually get her to say these things back to you and even get her to beg for you.

You can be teasing her and playing with her, but not going inside her yet. You can say something like, “Do you want my dick inside you?” or “You want my dick inside you, don’t you?”

And then when she says yes, you can say, “How badly do you want it?” And then she can say, “Oh my gosh, I want it so badly,” and you can either then give it to her or you can play with this and say, “Well, you’ll just have to wait.”

7. Describe Sexual Experiences You’ve Had Together

Another way that you can dirty talk which is really effective with a lot of women is you can describe to her some sexual experiences that you’ve had together in the past, or you can describe to her a sexual fantasy that she may have.

If you’re talking about things you’ve done together in the past, be descriptive and paint a picture with your words. “Babe, remember when we were on holidays that time and we fucked in the bathroom. I absolutely loved how you were bent over in the shower and I was sliding in and out of you. It felt so good.” And you can continue on with this story.

What this does is it gets her out of her head and whatever she may be thinking about, and gets her imagining this scenario that you’ve been in together and how sexy it was.

As you give her your words, she’s going to be imagining exactly what you say, and as you’re pleasuring her at the same time, this can heighten her pleasure and heighten her arousal.

8. Describe Their Fantasies

And the other thing that I found to be super effective with so many of my partners is to actually describe their fantasies.

So this requires you to talk to your partner outside of the bedroom and find out what their fantasies are. And I would advise that when they’re telling you their fantasies, even if it makes you a little emotional or insecure, be supportive with your partner. They’re sharing something very vulnerable with you.

Let them know that it’s really sexy that they like that, that you’re so thankful that they shared that with you, and then when it comes to the bedroom, you can bring in those fantasies into your dirty talk.

So I had a partner who had the fantasy of being with two guys at the same time, and so while I was having sex with her, I would talk about this fantasy and I would paint a picture for her. “Imagine if there was another guy here with us now. Here’s what I would be doing to you and here’s what he would be doing to you. And imagine if this was happening.” And you should see the arousal just grow and grow and grow and peak, and the orgasms would come so much easier.

Often I’ve had partners who had struggled to orgasm just regularly through sex, but once you add in this dirty talk, once you add in these stories, they could really let go, and it could allow them to orgasm more consistently. And this is also a really great way to explore fantasies and how you both feel about them without actually doing them.

9. Use Commanding Language

When you get more confident in dirty talking, you can start to use commanding language with your partner. “Get over here.” “Get on your knees.” “Lift your legs up.” “Take me deeper in your mouth.”

Many women absolutely love this dominant energy. They like to be more submissive and they like to be told what to do. It can be a really sexy experience.

And what you can do is combine the commanding language with the compliments and the other dirty talk that we’ve talked about. For example, if you’re saying to her, “Get on your knees. Put it in your mouth. Look up at me while you suck me,” you can then begin to compliment her and say, “Oh my God, it’s so sexy when you look at me while you do that. Oh my gosh, that feels so good. I can’t wait to come in your mouth.”

As you can see, we’re combining all of the stuff we’ve talked about. We’re complimenting her, we’re talking about how it feels, we’re talking about what we want to do to her, and you can even say things like, “You love that, don’t you? You love it in your mouth.”

And so as you can see, you can combine everything for this intense dirty talk experience.

10. Use Degrading Language

And then if your partner is into it and it’s something that they like to do, you can also use degrading language with your partner. Many women love to have their sexuality completely unleashed, and this can be a great way to do it.

I do advise that you talk to your partner about this ahead of time. Don’t just go calling her a bitch or a slut or a whore if you haven’t asked her about it beforehand.

Find out if she likes this sort of talk, what sort of words she likes to be called, and if there’s any words that are really no-go zones for her. I’ve been with many partners who love to be degraded, but there’s certain words that have triggers for them, probably from trauma in their past, that they don’t want you to use.

It’s also a good idea if you’re going to do this to have a safe word. So if it gets too much for them, they can say the safe word and you’ll stop, you’ll go back into your regular personalities and you’ll take care of her.

If you want to explore degrading language with your partner, then you can call your partner names. You can call her a whore, you can call her a cum slut or my dirty little princess. There’s so many different names that you can use, and again, this will all be in the cheat sheet over at passionately.com/dirtytalk.

And also what you can do is get her to say it as well. So if you’re saying, “You’re a dirty whore, aren’t you?” and she’s like, “Yes, I am,” you can tell her, “Say you’re a dirty whore,” and she’ll be like, “I’m a dirty whore.” And many women absolutely love this, but again, obviously you want it to be consensual.

11. Objectify Her

And in the area of degradation, you can also objectify her. Sometimes women want to have that sensual, fully connected sex, and sometimes they want to have that passionate, vigorous sex, almost like you’re using them as a piece of meat, or some women actually really like that idea of being used.

So the more mild way to say this is, “I absolutely love enjoying your body for my own pleasure.” And the more intense way of saying it is, “I love using you for my pleasure. You love being used, don’t you?” And get her to say it back to you.

12. Use Role Play Names

And you can also use role play names as well. So you might call her names, but she might want to call you names as well, like “sir” or “master,” or something mild like “babe” or “baby.” Or many women love to call their partner “daddy” in the heat of the moment when they’re having sex.

Give Your Partner Solid Aftercare

It can be very important that if you’re having this role play experience with your partner, where you’re calling each other names and you’re potentially degrading them with your words, that afterwards, when the sex is all done, the orgasms have happened and they’ve calmed down, you’re back in your regular personalities, that you give your partner solid aftercare.

This means really looking after your partner, cuddling them, touching them if they like that. Let them know how sexy you thought that was, how amazing they were, and just offer your support, because many women can love being degraded in the moment, but then afterwards they feel extremely vulnerable or very emotional.

And if you don’t offer that aftercare and support, then they can feel really dirty and really gross afterwards. But if you do offer that aftercare and support, then the whole experience can be extremely liberating and uplifting for them.

All in all, just have fun with it. Start slow and build it up. Check in with your partner, make sure it was okay, find out what they liked, and what you’ll find is that if they like it, they might want to push the boundary a little bit further next time. “I really liked it when you did this and I’d like to try this next time.”

And if you want more help on how to be great at dirty talking, don’t forget to grab my dirty talk cheat sheet. Or for more phrases on what you can actually say, check out this video where I outline 20 different phrases that you can use with your partner that’s going to blow their mind.