Fun Things To Do With a Soft Penis (No Erection Needed)

If you suffer with erectile dysfunction or you have a partner that suffers with erectile dysfunction and can’t always get it hard, it’s a really good idea to learn about soft penis play and how you can have a lot of fun together with a soft penis so you can still connect with each other intimately and sexually and have a very good time even if the erection isn’t happening.

Hey, I’m Phoenix Blake, coach and educator, and I’ve personally suffered with erectile dysfunction, so I know how difficult it can be, but just because an erection isn’t happening doesn’t mean that the sex needs to stop and doesn’t mean that we can’t give each other a lot of pleasure.

For the person with the soft penis, you can still give your partner a lot of pleasure, and for the partner of someone with a soft penis, just because they’re not getting hard doesn’t mean they’re not aroused, doesn’t mean they’re not into you and it doesn’t mean they can’t still feel a great amount of pleasure if you touch them in different ways.

In this article, we’re going to be focusing on soft penis play and how you can give pleasure to the person with the penis. However, a really big aspect of connecting sexually when you’re unable to get an erection is being able to give pleasure back to your partner with your fingers, with your mouth and using toys.

So just because you can’t penetrate your partner doesn’t mean you can’t give them some mind-blowing orgasms, and honestly, the majority of orgasms that I give to my partners are with my hands and with my mouth, not with my penis, even when it can get erect.

I’ve got a lot of videos on my YouTube channel about how to give pleasure to women, but one of my best resources is my oral orgasm advanced tutorial. In that tutorial, I shared the exact techniques about how you can give your partner some of the best and most consistent orgasms using your fingers and using your mouth.

Go to passionately.com/oral to get access to that. And you’ll also get access to my free newsletter where I share more tips on how you can be a better lover and have a better sex life, and many of those tips I don’t share on YouTube.

Going into soft penis play, how can we do this? How can we have a great time with our partner?

Talk To Your Partner Outside Of The Bedroom

If you haven’t discussed the erectile dysfunction matter yet, it’s really important that you talk about it.

If you’re the one suffering with erectile dysfunction, you can say to your partner, “Hey babe, you may have noticed that I’ve been having some trouble getting it up recently. I’ve been suffering with some erectile dysfunction and I’d love to talk to you about that and ways that we can still connect and give a lot of pleasure to each other, even if I’m unable to get it up.”

And if you’re the person talking to someone with erectile dysfunction, then go into this conversation with a lot of grace because it can be quite an embarrassing topic.

Just say, “Hey babe, I’ve noticed, you know, the last few times you haven’t really been able to get it up or get as hard as you have previously. I’d love to talk to you about your erectile dysfunction and I’d love to discuss ways that we can still connect sexually and have a really great time, even if you’re unable to get it up, because you don’t have to have a hard penis for us to be able to connect.”

And it’s really important for both of you when you go into this conversation to not put any shame on each other, to not put any shame on the person suffering with erectile dysfunction, because chances are it’s not their fault. It might be some health issues or cardiovascular health issues, or it could be mentally that they’re quite nervous and they’re getting performance anxiety.

You don’t want to go into the conversation guns blazing, “Why can’t you get it up? Am I not good enough for you?” But go in trying to understand the other person.

And if you’re the one suffering with erectile dysfunction, don’t have shame about it. You don’t necessarily need to apologize to your partner to say, “I’m sorry that I have erectile dysfunction.”

You can if you want, but I think if you have lied to your partner and avoided sex in the past because you’ve been embarrassed about it, you can apologize about that.

Begin To Redefine Sex

For most of us, we define sex as penis enters in vagina, and penetration and intercourse is the focus of most couples’ sexual relationship. And so if you’re experiencing some erectile dysfunction in your relationship, now is a great time to actually begin to redefine sex.

Take away the idea that penis needs to go into vagina in order for sex to happen. Sex can mean and can be so many different things and there’s so many other ways to give pleasure to your partner.

In fact, some of the best sex that I’ve had, some of the best sexual experiences that I’ve had haven’t involved intercourse at all. But it’s been one of us playing with the other person and giving the other person a lot of pleasure, or maybe we’re playing with each other in different ways and exploring different things, but we never actually have intercourse.

So when you’re having this conversation with your partner, begin to redefine what sex means to both of you and begin to expand your definitions of sex.

Get Curious And Explore

It’s likely that you’ve been having sex for a certain amount of time and that’s always had a hard penis, and you know exactly how to do that, how to pleasure a hard penis or how to have sex with your partner when you do have a hard penis.

But now that you’re entering into new territory where the penis might stay soft, the way that you’re going to interact with each other is going to be different and you’re going to need to learn new ways to touch each other and new ways to pleasure each other. So go into this with a really open mind and a mind that is keen to explore and keen to find out what your partner likes.

Just like when you first got together, how you were learning about each other’s bodies and learning what makes the other person tick and what makes them cum, the same is true here. Rediscover what feels good, explore each other’s bodies and don’t necessarily have orgasm as the goal in these exploratory sessions either.

Yes, orgasm may happen for either or both of you, but orgasm doesn’t need to be the goal in a sexual interaction.

You can just connect with each other and find ways to make each other feel good, and it’s always great to communicate throughout these new experiences and touching your partner and asking them, “Does that feel good? What do you like? Do you want me to try it harder or softer?” Or maybe they have ideas of how they’d like to be touched and what feels good.

Don’t Stop Touching Their Penis

I’ve had many experiences where I’ve been with a girl and she’s been touching my penis and I’ve been unable to get it up, and because I’m unable to get it up, she simply stops touching my penis altogether and often stops touching me completely as well.

This is probably one of the worst things that you can do because it completely stops the sexual interaction, stops the connection and reinforces the idea that you actually need to get hard in order for me to want to touch you and want to play with you.

And if you’re the one with the soft penis and your partner is touching you, you’re actually going to need to communicate with your partner a lot more.

They’re probably used to the fact that they would get feedback as to what felt good because your penis would go from flaccid to hard, and if that’s not happening anymore, they’re not getting their feedback, you’re going to need to provide them with feedback in other ways.

If I’m ever in this situation, I really try to communicate with my partners and say, “Hey, just because I’m not getting hard doesn’t mean that doesn’t feel really good. In fact, that feels fucking amazing and I am so into you right now and I’m absolutely loving this moment with you and I’m loving the way that you’re touching me.”

You can also show that you love it by moaning or by making movements with your body, but just be aware that you’re going to likely have to over-communicate so that your partner doesn’t get in their head thinking he’s not actually liking what I’m doing.

Explore Different Types Of Touch And Play

Maybe this is going to be different to what you used to do or what they used to like. A really good idea is to explore calm play with your partner.

Something that I know feels really good, especially when I have a soft penis, is light touch over my body, over my penis and my balls and my perineum and my anus. Light touch can feel really good, really sensual and really sexual.

You can then also explore a firmer and more massage-like touch. So rather than going really hard and fast, which you might do with a hard penis, you might want to go slower with a more massage-like pressure.

Just have a lot of fun playing with it. It can be really fun to play with a soft penis. It feels really different for both of you and there’s unique things that you can do.

I remember having a partner who really liked putting my soft penis in her ear. Now, that sounds weird, but the way that the penis would kind of smoosh into the ear felt really good and we could even rub the penis on her ear and on her face with very light touch. And because the skin is so soft, it was actually a very pleasurable sensation for her and a very intimate thing that we did together.

No, it’s not your standard type of sex and some people might see that as a little kinky, but we really enjoyed it and it felt great for both of us.

And as a person with the soft penis, it was so nice to be able to give my partner pleasure, even if it was this soft light touch kind of pleasure. But I could give that to them, even though I didn’t have an erection at the time.

Explore different things, nothing’s off the table. Just make sure that you communicate and you’re both willing to try it. And if it doesn’t work out and it doesn’t feel good, no harm done. It’s still fun to try it together.

Blowjobs Can Be Great For Both Parties

Even if you have a soft penis, blowjobs still feel absolutely incredible. And if you’re giving the blowjob, it can actually be a lot of fun to play with a soft penis in your mouth and you can do different things with it than maybe what you could do with a hard penis.

And I can tell you from experience that the sensations that you get receiving a blowjob with a soft penis are different to the sensations when your penis is hard. So it’s a really new experience. It’s a really fun experience to have with someone and it’s very unique and intimate.

You can explore licking them in different ways. You might want to put your tongue under their foreskin.

You can even suck the penis into your mouth more and play with sucking pressure and alternate that, or pull the penis into your mouth and you can move it around with your tongue. Very similar actually to how you might go down on a clitoris and suck the clitoris into your mouth and play with it with your tongue. You can do that but with a penis.

Also, it’s a great idea that if you’re giving a blowjob that you get your hands involved as well. So maybe you want to play with their balls or their perineum or their anus, or maybe you want to touch their body all over, or you can get your hands really wet.

That can feel really good as well, and so you give them a blowjob, get your hands really wet and get your hands involved as well.

Play The “You’re Not Allowed To Get Hard” Game

I remember I used to play this game with one of my partners and it was such a fun way to really take the pressure off me needing to get an erection, and it really gave them time to be able to explore touching me, and also a little bit of a competition and a challenge where, yes, the person giving pleasure does want to make their partner hard, but if they don’t get hard, that’s fine as well.

Then as the receiver, you’re actually actively trying not to get hard, and sometimes because you take this pressure off, it can actually help you to get an erection more easily because you’re not willing the erection to come on.

Erotic Massage

You can get some oil. I love using coconut oil, and you can lather up your partner and you can massage them, starting maybe with their back and those sorts of normal areas, and then you can move it into a more erotic massage.

Massaging their bum, maybe touching their anus if they’re into that. Or if they roll over, you can rub them on their chest and their stomach, which can feel really good, working your way down to their penis. Playing with their penis with a lot of oil just gives a really different sensation to when you play with the penis when it’s dry.

Like all of these other ideas that we’ve talked about, the goal here is not to get your partner hard or to bring them to orgasm. The goal here is to connect with each other, have a really nice time together sensually and sexually, even if the hard penis doesn’t come.

Now, while you can obviously have a lot of fun with a soft penis, many of us want to be able to regain our erections and overcome erectile dysfunction, and if this is you, then there’s actually a lot of things that you can do to get your erections back and to actually have harder erections than you’ve had in years.

I’ve created a free ED toolkit where I share with you some of the best things that you can do to regain your erections. Simply go to passionately.com/ed and you can get free access to that toolkit.

That will also sign you up for my newsletter where I share regular tips on how you can become a better lover as well as tips on how you can overcome erectile dysfunction, and many of those tips I don’t share on YouTube.

Explore Prostate Play

Now, some guys are concerned that playing with their bum is going to make them seem gay, which is obviously incredibly ridiculous. We all have bums and there’s a lot of nerve endings in our anus that can feel really good.

If your partner is nervous about anal play, then just have a chat with them and talk about it, and maybe they’re open to trying some light anal play in the beginning where you can use the massage oil and just touch them on the outside of the anus without actually going in. And then if they are open to it, then you can finger your partner and you can pleasure their prostate.

Now, I’ve got a full article on exactly how to finger the bum, and it’s a little bit of a different technique to fingering a vagina, and so you want to make sure you do it properly so you’re not hurting your partner.

And you may want to clean things out as well if you’re worried about getting poo on your hands, but also it’s just a good idea to have baby wipes next to the bed if you’re going to do prostate play, just in case.

But prostate play can be a phenomenal thing to do together because many guys can actually orgasm from having their prostate stimulated even if they’re unable to get an erection.

In order to pleasure the prostate, what you’re going to want to do is go inside your partner’s anus. So if they’re lying down on their back and their stomach’s pointing up, you’re going inside with your finger pointing up.

And similar to how guys do the come-here motion on the G-spot of the vagina, you’re going to want to do a similar thing, but generally speaking, you’re going to need to go in a bit further with your finger in order to find the prostate.

Most people will have to go in all the way to the knuckle, and you’re likely going to want to use the middle finger. If you can’t get in far enough, you may need to change your partner’s position to lift their legs up a little bit more so you can get a little bit deeper inside them, but pretty much everyone should be able to reach it.

Now, the prostate will feel a bit harder than the surrounding area and it’s about the size of a walnut. So if you go in there, you will feel a harder spot. It’s a little bit spongy, a little bit hard, and as you begin to play with it, you can massage it and apply pressure to the prostate.

You want to be really careful not to be scratching the prostate with your nails. So if you’ve got longer nails, just make sure you’re using the pad of your finger, not your nails, to pleasure it.

So you can do the come-here sort of motion on the prostate or you can apply pressure and release it, and at the same time that you’re doing this, you can play with your partner’s penis or you can even suck on your partner’s penis.

Now, the sensation that they’re going to feel is going to be quite unique. It almost feels like you need to pee, but it’s also incredibly pleasurable.

It’s hard to explain, but just communicate with your partner and see what they like. They might like more pressure, they might like less pressure, they might even like anal play where you’re going in and out of their anus, and they may want more than one finger. But just communicate with your partner, explore it together and find out what you like.

But if your partner is completely unable to get erections, this can be a great way to still be able to give them orgasms. You’re probably not going to be able to give them an orgasm the first time you do it. Learning how to have or give a prostate orgasm can take some time, but explore, have fun together and enjoy it.

Support Your Penis With Your Hand

If you are able to get a semi-hard erection, maybe it’s not fully hard but it’s semi-hard, then you can still actually penetrate your partner. You may just need to support your penis with your hands.

So if you’re fully erect, you can just go ahead and slide into your partner and that’s fine. But if you’re semi-erect, as you go to try and get into your partner, your penis is likely to bend and it’s not going to work.

So what you can do is actually get your hand and support your penis with your hand. Then what you can do is place your hand right up against the vulva, and then you can actually slide your penis in, and as you do, your hand moves back over your penis so that you can get further in. And then if you come out, you can move your hand back in order to support your penis and continue this motion.

However, if you’re semi-hard, in and out can be difficult. But if you’re able to get inside your partner, then what you can do is actually grind up against them.

So rather than the sex being focused on the in out penetration, what you can do is support yourself so you can get inside your partner and then grind up and down on your partner.

And if we imagine your pubic bone, just above your penis, and your partner’s clitoris, what you’re doing here is you’re going inside them and then you’re rubbing up and down so that clitoris is rubbing against your pubic bone.

And this can feel really good for your partner. It’s probably not going to feel as good for you with the penis, but it allows you to stay inside them, which is really intimate, and you can give them some great pleasure, and some women can actually orgasm from this even if you’re not able to get fully hard.

Even if you don’t get fully hard at all, you can still use this technique without being inside your partner. You can just rub up against them as if you were inside them, or you can actually get inside them. Your partner just might need to smoosh your penis inside them. It can be quite difficult, but it can be something fun to explore together.

Consider Using A Strap-On

If you’re open to it and your ego can handle it and you still want to fuck your partner really hard, then consider using a strap-on.

If you’re unable to get an erection, you can go ahead and wear a strap-on with whatever size dildo your partner would like and then you can still have sex with them like you usually would.

Obviously this isn’t going to feel as good for you because you don’t get to be inside your partner, but the two of you still get to connect in this way. And if your partner really loves penetration and loves being fucked, then this can absolutely be something that connects you and something that feels really good for both of you.

Use Toys On Each Other

I haven’t even got to mentioning toys and using toys on each other. So of course you can use toys on your partner who has a vulva. I absolutely love using clit wands and clit stimulators on my partners.

You can use them while you’re fingering your partner, while you’re going down on your partner. You can have a lot of fun with toys, but there’s also toys designed for men that can feel really good as well, even if you have a soft penis.

So the toys like the Fleshlights and things like that might be more difficult to use with a soft penis, but you can get vibrators that feel really good. You can get prostate vibrators as well, or you can even explore pegging, where the person with the soft penis is the one receiving the sex from their partner who’s wearing a strap-on. So that can also be really sexy and really intimate and obviously doesn’t require you to have a hard penis.

As you can see, there are loads of different things that you can do with your partner if you’re unable to get it up or if your partner is unable to get it up. So just because they can’t get an erection doesn’t mean the sexual connection needs to stop.

And in fact, sometimes not having an erection can be a blessing in disguise for your sex life because it opens up all these doors to all these new possibilities and new ways to give and receive pleasure from each other. Don’t let the lack of an erection stop your sex life, but let it revitalize your sex life.

And if you want more tips on how to do that, you can go ahead and check out my ED course on how to revitalize your sex life even if you’re suffering with erectile dysfunction. And don’t forget to grab the free ED toolkit to learn how to regain your erections and get harder erections than you’ve had in years.