Avoiding Sex Because of ED? Read This

If you’re avoiding having sex because of erectile dysfunction, you’re not alone. This happens to a lot of men, but there’s some things that you can do to improve the sexual intimacy with your partner and to be having more sex, even if you’ve still got erectile dysfunction.

Hey, I’m Phoenix Blake, sex coach and educator, and I’ve personally suffered with erectile dysfunction, so I know how difficult it can be, and I know how nervous you can get when it comes to the topic of sex if you’re worried that you can’t get it up or you know that you can’t get it up.

And there’s many men out there who will simply avoid sex with their partner altogether because they know that when they get in this situation, they’re not going to be able to get hard, and that’s going to be embarrassing for them.

But rather than just completely swearing off sex and constantly saying no to your partner or making excuses, there’s some other things that you can potentially do that can still give you an extremely fulfilling sex life, even if you can’t get it up.

1. Talk To Someone About It

You can talk to a registered therapist about it, you can talk to a sex coach like myself about it, or maybe you actually want to bring it up with some of your friends because chances are they’re suffering with erectile dysfunction as well.

In fact, whatever decade of life you’re in, that’s roughly the percentage of men that are suffering with erectile dysfunction. So if you’re in your 20s, there’s likely 20% of guys suffering with erectile dysfunction. In your 30s, it’s 30%, 40s, 40%, and so on up to your 70s, where 70% or more of men suffer with erectile dysfunction.

So know that you’re not alone and talking to someone about it can really help to release the shame that you might have around this.

As men, we put a lot of our ego and our pride and our masculinity in our ability to get an erection. So it’s normal that if you’ve lost your ability to get an erection or you suffer with some erectile dysfunction, then that can really affect the way you see yourself, it can really affect your self-confidence, and it can even lead to things like depression.

So it’s really common, you don’t need to be ashamed of it, but opening up and talking to someone about it can really help a lot of men.

2. Release Your Own Shame

There’s nothing shameful about no longer being able to get an erection.

And in fact, there’s so many things that you can do and so many ways that you can still give pleasure to your partner, still connect with your partner, still have amazing sexual experiences, and still receive a lot of pleasure yourself, even if you’re not able to get hard.

Easier said than done, but try not to feel too ashamed about it because it is really common, it is very normal, and there’s still so many ways that you can have great sexual experiences.

3. Boost Your Natural Erectile Function

For me, I was no longer waking up with morning wood anymore, but through things like exercise, diet, good sleep, and supplementation, I was able to regain my morning wood and get erections that are harder, stronger, and bigger than I feel like I’ve had in years.

So while this won’t work for everyone, it’s definitely worth exploring because a lot of men can regain their ability to get erections with the right lifestyle choices and with the right supplementation.

In fact, I’ve put together a full list of the different supplements that I take that help me to regain my morning wood and give me those hard erections. Go to passionately.com/ed to get access to that.

It’s a completely free list, and I also share the studies and the science behind why those supplements work, and I’m regularly updating it as things change and I learn new information.

Or for those of you who want more help and more detailed guides on how you can regain your erections, go to passionately.com/edcourse.

And in that course, I go through everything from lifestyle factors to the different exercises you can specifically do to target erectile health, to supplements, and even how to talk to and work with your partner to maximize your chance of getting erections.

4. Talk To Your Partner Outside The Bedroom

But assuming you’ve done all that and you’re still not able to get erections or the erections aren’t consistent for you, you don’t have to give up.

Talk to them about the fact that you have erectile dysfunction, that it’s hard for you to get an erection, and that you’re not always going to be able to get one.

Let them know that this has nothing to do with your attraction to them or necessarily your sexual arousal at the time either. You can be extremely turned on, extremely attracted to your partner, but sometimes it just doesn’t work.

And they’ve likely experienced the same thing with their wetness. Sometimes they’re aroused, but they don’t get wet and they can get in their head and nervous about that.

Just for us as guys, it’s so much more obvious: if we’re not getting an erection, she’s going to be aware of it.

But talking to your partner and letting them know you’re still very sexually attracted to them and you still want to sexually connect with them, but you just can’t help it that your penis isn’t working the way that you would like.

And you can then work with your partner to work out, okay, well, how can we actually have some sexual connection and sexual experiences that are going to be really good for us?

5. Redefine The Meaning Of Sex

Often as guys, we define sex as penis goes in the vagina, but sex can be so much more than that.

You’ve got 10 fingers, which honestly can be even better at giving pleasure than a penis. You’ve got your mouth, you’ve got your tongue, and you can also bring toys into the bedroom as well, which can be a lot of fun.

You can talk to your partner about some of the things that they might like to try or the toys that they might like to use.

You’ve got a variety of different options here. There’s toys that you can place on your penis that vibrate, that feel really good for you, but can also stimulate your partner and her clitoris.

You’ve got toys specifically designed for stimulating your prostate, which can be a great way to have an orgasm or to ejaculate as a man, even if you’re unable to get an erection.

And there’s a huge variety of toys that you can get out there for women, from clit stimulators to G-spot stimulators to different suction devices and dildos and even strap-ons.

By redefining what sex means and by opening up lots of different possibilities from using your hands and your mouth and toys, you can still have amazing sexual experiences with your partner, even if you’re not having penis and vagina penetration.

And women who are in relationships with other women tend to orgasm a lot more than women who are having sex with men.

So there’s a huge variety of options of different ways you can give pleasure to your partner and different ways that you can receive pleasure yourself, even if you’re not getting hard.

I’ve got lots of articles on this site about different ways you can give pleasure with fingering and oral sex and squirting.

But if you want a great succinct guide to the anatomy of your partner’s vulva, as well as how you can give her some incredible orgasms with your fingers and your mouth, then go to passionately.com/oral and you can get access to that free tutorial over there.

6. Have Sex With A Flaccid Penis

There are ways that you can get your penis inside their vagina by pushing it in with your hands or supporting it with your fingers.

So you can actually put it on top of your fingers and slide it in, and you can penetrate her with your penis and your fingers.

Or if you get semi-hard, then you can actually support your penis with your hand in order to slide it into her vagina and then continue to hold it as you go backwards and forwards to support it so you can get the tip in.

And most of the nerve endings of her vagina are actually around the opening anyway, so it can still feel really great for her.

It can be really fun for her to give you oral sex when you’re soft and it can feel really nice in her mouth when you’re soft.

She can play with you and explore in so many different ways. The world is your oyster here. She can softly and lightly touch you. She can lick you. She can suck you.

7. Explore Your Entire Body

Often as guys we’re so focused on our penis and the pleasure coming from our penis because obviously it feels really good. But if you’re unable to get an erection, it can be a great opportunity to explore different areas of your body.

And honestly, some of the best experiences I’ve had with partners haven’t been from penis-in-vagina penetration, but it’s been through exploring these other areas of our body and having fun in other ways.

So just because you can’t get it hard or it’s inconsistent doesn’t mean you need to stop having sex. Doesn’t mean you need to avoid having sex.

But by having this conversation with your partner, letting them know what you’re suffering with and redefining the term sex and looking at the different things that you can explore together, you can still have incredible sexual chemistry, incredible sexual experiences, and you can also feel great pleasure and even have an orgasm and ejaculate with a soft penis.

And if you’re worried that she just really wants to have some really hard sex and be completely railed, then you do have the opportunity of actually getting a strap-on and using a dildo in order to fuck her really hard.

Sure, ideally, we’d love to be able to do it with our own penis, but if we can’t get hard, it can still be so exciting and so much fun to be able to give that pleasure to our partner and to give them that experience.

You might need to swallow your ego a little bit in order to do this, but by having that open communication with your partner and hopefully by having a really supportive partner as well, they’re going to help you along this journey so that you feel comfortable and you can explore together and it can be exciting for both of you.

Sometimes you get lucky enough that when you’re not trying to get an erection and you take the pressure off an erection, then the erection does come.

But don’t go into it hoping or expecting to get an erection. If it comes, great, but if it doesn’t, you can still have an incredible time.

And on top of all this, if you want to explore different ways that you can help to boost your erections, then check out this article on the different medical treatment options available for erectile dysfunction, or check out this article on some of the best foods that you can eat to boost your erections.

And don’t forget, you can get my full list of supplements that have really helped me regain my morning wood and get the best erections that I’ve had in years.