Some Women Love Degradation (How To Do It Respectfully)

I’ve done a few dirty talk videos, and in some of those videos I’ve talked about degradation, or using degrading language with your partner as a form of dirty talk. Now, this obviously isn’t for everyone, but some women, and men as well, absolutely love being degraded during sex.

But why is this the case, and how do you do degradation in a way that’s really sexy and uplifting and creates a great experience, versus doing it in a way that’s going to make your partner upset and lead to a terrible experience for both of you?

Hey, I’m Phoenix Blake, sex coach and educator, and I’m passionate about helping you become better in the bedroom.

And if you want to take your dirty talk to the next level and learn how to dirty talk like a pro, then go ahead and grab my dirty talk cheat sheet, where I talk you through exactly how to do dirty talk, and I even give you phrases that you can start using with your partner.

Why Do People Like Degradation?

I obviously can’t speak for everyone, and everybody’s experience is unique, but for many people that I’ve been with, degradation is a part of role play, and it helps them get into a different mental state where they can enjoy the pleasure more.

Rather than coming into sex with a lot of chatter up in their mind, thinking about the stresses that they have in the day and their to-do list and everything they need to do, it’s almost like the degradation flips them into a different mindset and helps them be very present in the moment. They forget about all the other stuff that’s in their head, and they’re just focused on enjoying being used by you and enjoying playing that more submissive role.

Many women also love that feeling of being overpowered. Generally, they want to do this with someone that they trust. They don’t actually want to be overpowered.

If they say stop, they want to know that you will stop, but for many women, this feeling of being overpowered just allows them to let go and be fully present in the moment and enjoy what’s happening. It can be quite cathartic and relaxing to allow someone else to be in control, especially if you’re so focused on being in control in your everyday life.

For many women, this degradation role play helps to unleash their inner sexuality. Many women have this raw sexual power inside of themselves that they don’t often let out because of fear of being judged by it, and society doesn’t help them with this, especially with all the slut shaming that goes on.

So when you’re able to enter into this degradation submissive role play, you are allowing her inner sexuality to come out. You are saying that this is a good thing, that I’m not going to judge you for it.

And the mental ecstasy that that can bring women can be insane. It’s like they’ve been trapped inside a box all day at work or whatever they’ve been doing, and you allow them out of this box for a time where they can go completely wild without having to worry about anything.

It can be extremely pleasurable. It can be extremely relaxing, and it can allow their mind to calm down so they can receive more pleasure than they would otherwise.

How To Do Degradation Correctly

1. Talk To Your Partner About It

You shouldn’t just go ahead and call someone bitch or slut or derogatory names if they don’t like it. It can be a really good idea to ask your partner, what do they like to be called? And is there anything that they don’t like to be called?

Because often they like certain things, and some words are no-go zones for them, which can be quite triggering for them.

2. Have Safe Words

It’s also a good idea, if you’re going to be degrading your partner and doing this sort of dom sub role play, that you have safe words that you use with your partner. So if things get too much for them, they can say the safe word and then you’ll stop, you’ll go back into your normal personalities and you’ll take care of your partner.

3. Call Them The Names They Like

Now, if you’ve talked about it and you know what they like and don’t like, in the moment, to bring it up, you can simply begin to call your partner the names that they like to be called.

You can say things like, “You’re such a dirty slut,” or “You’re my little whore and I love it.” Or you can ask her questions: “You’re a dirty little slut, aren’t you? You’re my dirty whore, aren’t you?”

And then when she says yes, you can get her to say it back to you: “Tell me you’re my dirty little whore.”

Try this out with your partner if they like it. It can be difficult when you’re doing it for the first time.

I have a deep respect and appreciation for women. So the first time that I did this, I found it very difficult and I was a bit timid, but seeing how much my partner absolutely loved it gave me the confidence to do it better and to do it more intensely next time.

4. Chat With Your Partner Afterwards

It’s also a good idea to chat with your partner afterwards and ask them how they felt about that. Ask them what in particular they liked, what maybe they didn’t like, and what they would like you to do more of.

And what you may find is that you’ve pushed the boundary a little bit the first time you do it. And then they can let you know, “I really liked it when you did this, and I’d like to push the boundary further next time and try something else.”

5. Give Your Partner Aftercare

It’s also really important to give your partner aftercare after these situations. You’re going into a role play. You’re playing out a scene.

It can be very intense. It can feel really amazing, but sometimes afterwards, they feel very vulnerable. They feel very nervous because they’ve entered this space inside their sexuality that they don’t usually go.

They’re worried about getting judged, or they could just be emotional because it is quite intense.

So after you finish and you step back into your normal personalities, make sure that you take care of your partner, cuddle them, let them know how sexy it was. Let them know you love them if that’s something that you say to each other, and just caress them, touch them, hold them, look after them and make sure they’re okay.

Because often if you don’t do that aftercare, then they can feel a little dirty and they can feel a little degraded, and it’s not an uplifting experience.

However, if you pair the intense experience with the solid aftercare, then they can feel amazing and liberated afterwards. And it can actually be an incredibly empowering and releasing experience for them.

Again, if you want to learn more about how to master the art of dirty talk, then go ahead and grab that free cheat sheet. Otherwise, go ahead and check out this video on the different levels of dirty talk, starting at level one, which is very mild, going up to level 10, which is very intense.